The “Cubicle Coma” and Other New Office Slang

Does it ever feel like your office has a language all its own? We’re not just talking about TPS reports and whatever bizarre acronym they’ve come up with for the corporate intranet. (Although if anyone is naming an intranet right now, can we be the first to suggest HAL?) No, we’re looking at other terms that pervade the office cubicle on an unofficial basis: Office slang, if you will. According to the Urban Dictionary, here are a few of the recent additions.

1. Cubicle Coma

According to Urban Dictionary, this is the phenomenon of coming into work feeling totally energized, only to fall into a malaise as soon as you enter your cubicle. To be a true cubicle coma, the depression needs to dissipate as soon as you leave the office.

2. Office Bingo

The next time you’re stuck in a meeting run by someone who speaks entirely in corporate cliches, make the time fly by with Office Bingo. Make a table with five columns and five rows, and fill each box with industry buzzwords. Every time the speaker drops a term, mark off a box. First one to get five in a row wins.

3. Cubicle Carstop

This refers to that traffic jam that happens when everyone in your immediate seating area must head toward the same meeting space at the same time. Tip for workers who find themselves in this situation: Do not moo. Your boss will not find it as hilarious as we do.

4. Workalanche

Hopefully, the digital age will eventually save us from the workalanche, which is what happens when your to-do stack becomes so large that it collapses and falls all over your desk.

5. Cubicle Juice

Coffee, obviously.

6. Workality

This is defined as a coworker’s personality while they’re at work. It may differ sharply from their personality while they’re at home, as you’ll discover if you spend any time at all talking to their spouse at the Christmas party. (“George is a real stickler for punctuality! He once threw out a batch of batch of breakfast omelets because they didn’t set in five minutes.” This about the coworker who owes you reports from last quarter.)

7. Meeting Narcolepsy

This disorder causes workers to fall asleep during particularly boring work meetings. It’s highly contagious.

8. Workalurking

Woerkalurkers tend to alternate between actual work and social media. Basically what 95 percent of all office workers are doing on any given work day.

9. Meetingitis

This condition occurs when you have so many meetings, you can’t get your work done.

10.

This disorder makes it impossible to concentrate during meetings. Symptoms include hallucinations, sleepiness, and daydreams.