So you need to escape the office. Maybe you have a doctor’s appointment. Maybe you have a job interview at a company that provides free snacks. Maybe you just can’t take it anymore. Whatever the reason, you need to get the heck out of dodge, and you need to do it in such a way that your coworkers (and, more importantly, boss) won’t know that you flew the office cubicle. Here’s how to cover it up.
1. Replace Yourself With a Doll
Think we’re kidding? Applebee’s and its advertising agency, CP+B, obviously have a vested interest in helping you to step out for lunch. And to show that they’re serious about helping you out, they’ve created a line of inflatable lunch decoys that you can prop up at your desk while you pop out for a snack.
2. Cubicle Roof
This one requires a bit of prep, but it’s worth it. First step: put a roof on your cubicle. Bonus points for a door and windows, but just a roof will do. You can either adapt a screen for this purpose, or just get a sheet of cardboard and lay it on top of your cube. It’s really up to you. Step two: let everyone get used to it, and the fact that your new roof makes it impossible for anyone to see if you’re at work or not. Step three: leave the office, unimpeded.
3. Create a Doppelganger
If it’s good for the company, how can you possibly get in trouble? This excuse involves finding a coworker who resembles you in some superficial ways — or better yet, not at all — and agreeing to dress up in each other’s clothes to cover for one another when needed. How is this good for the company, you ask? Well, if a three-legged race can be considered a team building exercise, what do you call sharing actual outfits?
4. Distract Them With Candy, and Then Run Away
When figuring out a way to escape the office, we always like to ask ourselves, “What would Wile E. Coyote do?” Obviously, he would bait a cunning trap. Because you’re presumably in a Road-Runner-free office environment, use candy instead of bird seed. And skip the part where you paint a convincing tunnel on the side of the mountain. We’ve seen this one. You’ll just wind up running into it yourself.
5. Scare the Heck out of Them
If your cubicle is the creepiest place in the office, no one will stop by to see if you’re working through lunch like a good little worker bee. As a bonus, you also won’t have to worry about people coming over with dumb questions while you’re trying to play solitaire. It’s a win all around!