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25 Ways to Drive Your Fellow Cubicle Workers Crazy

Sometimes life in the office can get a little, well, dull. Long days spent gazing at a computer screen or answering phones are enough to put anyone to sleep … or slowly drive you insane.

Who says that’s a bad thing, though?

We say, embrace that nervous tic and have a little fun with your cube mates.

Here’s 25 ways to drive your cubicle mates crazy:

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1. Put a Welcome mat in front of your cubicle. Ask that your co-workers wipe their feet before entering.

2. Find out where your boss shops for clothes and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them the day after your boss does. (This is works even better if your boss is the opposite sex.)

3. Refer to all of your co-workers by made-up names (find inspiration from their lunches). “Thanks for your help with that Veggie Soup!” “Excellent idea PBJ!”

4. Send e-mail to the entire office detailing your every move. For example “If anyone needs me, I’ll be scoping out the vending machines for Peanut M&Ms.”

5. Use a highlighter to color your shoes. When people ask why you did it, tell them you wanted to make them easier to find.

6. Hang up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

7. Sit in a chair facing the printer for the day and tell people you’re waiting for your document to come out.

8. Arrive at a meeting late, and apologize, but you haven’t time to eat lunch, and you’ll need to eat during the meeting. During the meeting eat several raw potatoes.

9. Ask the IT guy to change your e-mail to “thor_lord_of_thunder@companyname.com”

10. Each time someone asks you for help, ask them if they want fries with that.

11. Engage yourself in an intellectual debate about one of your company’s products via e-mail. Forward the e-mail to your cubicle neighbor and ask them to settle the debate.

12. Escape from your cubicle and get a little exercise by encouraging your co-workers to participate in synchronized chair dancing.

13. Put your trash can on your desk. Label it “IN.”

14. Conduct a scientific experiment to determine how many cups of coffee is “too many.”

15. Develop an unnatural fear of your computer mouse.

16. Decorate your cubicle with pictures of Theo Huxtable and Steve Urkel. Tell everyone who asks about them that they’re your children.

17. During breaks, waddle to the office fish tank wearing a snorkel mask and flippers.

18. Send out office-wide e-mails saying there’s free cake, Chinese food, pizza, etc. in the breakroom. When your co-workers complain that there was none, lean back in your chair, pat your stomach and say “you snooze, you lose.”

19. Sing “Silver Bells” year round.

20. Page yourself over the intercom system without disguising your voice.

21. Carry on a conversation about last night’s episode of “Fringe” with the office fern.

22. Stick Post-its on commonly used office supplies with instructions on how to use them. For example, on the stapler “Insert paper, push down.” Stop by your co-worker’s desks to find out if they need any further instructions.

23. Answer your phone as Chuck Norris. Ask whoever is on the line if they’d like a roundhouse kick to the face.

24. Come to work with your face painted like a cat. Periodically lick your hands and wipe your face. Ask your cubicle mate if they have a rubber band – when they hand it to you, pretend to chew on it.

25. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for four weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch over to espresso.

Posted by James Wilkie

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